Decker Babies

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2011-07-09T13:42:00.000-07:00

"Frogs and snails and puppy dog tails, that's what little boys are made of!"
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2011-07-08T19:56:00.000-07:00

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On nests, tea, rascals and "Rats!"

2011-07-07T14:03:00.000-07:00

Where do I start? Duke has pulled so many stunts recently and said so many funny things. Adyline is growing and changing right before our eyes, and Daniel and I just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. God has really blessed our little nest, and we have a lot of fun together. Speaking of nests, we have a bird nest right outside our front door! Poor Mama bird never gets a break. Duke's favorite thing to do is ring the doorbell so Jax (our yorkie) barks and Fire (Duke's name for himself when he pretends to be a dog) can bark like their tails are on fire. The ruckus causes the baby birdies to peep their tiny, sealed eyed heads up as high as they can in a panic. Mama bird needs some coaching from those of us overly protective Mama birds because she just flies away as fast as she can! Today I even risked my 2 eyeballs for the bird family and rescued one of the babies. I came through the entry way just in time to look out our porch and see a tiny bird on the pavement, still breathing. Worried that "Fire" and Jax may have induced the bird's stress led leap of death, I put my gloves on, grabbed my trusty step stool and dropped the birdie back in the nest. I hope you make it baby bird!

Despite his over exuberance to participate with them, Duke loves animals so much! He even talks baby talk to animals--even the bird nest outside. Well, that is when he is Duke and not Fire. Duke is a nurturer and loves anything that is smaller than he is. He got to hold a very young kitten at his Grandma CC's house in Lingleville at a family gathering. She commented that she had kept telling him she loved him, hoping and hoping he'd echo the sweet phrase back to her but instead he'd just be silly. Next she watched him pass the kitten on the way to the car, put both his hands around it, and brought his nose right up to the kitten's and said in his most tender voice, "Bye little kitty, I love you so much!"
Duke has been praying for his buddy and neighbor Liam for many months. Liam, praise Jesus, is recovering from Leukemia. Liam has just returned from a long in and out stay at Cook's hospital in Ft Worth. Duke has always loved Liam's cat Windsor. I don't know how, but Duke is a cat person, Daniel and I are hands down dog people. Anyway, when we helped house sit for Liam's family, Duke walked in saw their cat and said in a voice as though this was a long, lost friend: "Windsor!!!! I thought you were in Ft Worth!" He hugged him and hugged him. In fact, Duke holds Windsor in such high esteem he named one of his favorite stuffed animals (a little kitten) after him. I find Duke's Windsor in Jax's kennel, Adyline's baby swing, Jax's bed, wrapped in a towel, and all over the place. Duke takes wonderful care of him!

Now, there is no living thing who has captivated Duke more than his little sister. He loves her so, so much. He talks baby talk to her also. I often pray that God will fill each member of our family's heart with love for each other. He really has answered that prayer, I have never seen a brother of such a young age show so much kindness or adoration to his sister. When she cries he leans over and says, "Don't cry sister, I am right here." If she wakes up crying in the morning he suggests to me that maybe it's because she hasn't seen him yet. If he keeps up this tenderness he will be able to just have his pick of whatever girl he wants. Now Fire, well, he may not be so lucky....

Duke has had a couple times where he got frustrated with Adyline. Best example is when we were driving home and Adyline, wanting out of her car seat, screamed most of the way home. Duke, the only passenger in the back with her, spoke tenderly, patiently and calmly the whole way home. He said sweet phrases like, "We are almost there" over and over again. He didn't loose his cool until we got in the driveway and she wasn't stopping despite his telling her three times, "You made it, we are home." Well, I guess that's when something snapped because that's when his voice drastically changed 180 degrees and he yelled at the top of his lungs: "WE'RE HO------ME!"

Adyline is a VERY happy baby provided she is with Mommy. She has what Daniel and my mom call a two minute timer. She will be happy in the arms of another for 2 minutes and then suddenly start wailing. I don't know why, because she LOVES when friends, family or even strangers visit with her or interact with her. Duke sometimes leans in to the person holding her and says in a light whisper, "I think she wants Mommy." HA! I love you Duke! That's one phrase blurted out that I can handle! :) Speaking of phrases, 2 weeks ago Duke was drinking milk; I suppose it went down the wrong "pipe" because immediately he is red faced, coughing and teary eyed. Next thing I know he lets out a LOUD gag/burp and then breathes hard and tries to figure out what just happened inside of him. He looks at me, tears still in his eyes, sobered and red faced, and says: "I, I, I....I thought I tooted." I guess I won't be the mother of the year, because thats when I laughed my head off. That's not the first time he has mixed up words either. He was trying to draw up the words "Rice crispy treats" from his memory but instead said, "Daddy, can I have one of those, uh, one of those...uh...one of those, Sesame streets?"

Despite his tumbling over words, Duke has awesome people skills. Recently I have noticed when he is with his peers how social and well mannered he is verbally. I mean he is three, but 'please,' 'thank you,' 'excuse me,' 'here is a toy for you,' etc. He can be the kindest, most polite child when he relates to other children. This social charm
as it relates to language and relating has encouraged me SO, so much seeing as how he can spend an entire day in what Daniel and I call Fire or "Rascal Mode." No, actually scratch that. His ability to turn on the charm encourages me because he can spend weeks in Rascal mode. When you consider in the last few days that Duke has single handedly, dumped out 3/4 of a gallon of lemonade all over the floor, covered his bedroom in baby powder, flung his body hard enough against the wall to knock pictures of himself off, washed apples in the bathroom (I really hope he used the sink rather than other readily available water sources in the room...), terrorized birds, made countless trips around the shed (I'll explain that in a minute), dropped his pants and relieved himself in an indoor atrium (guess he saw the trees and thought he was in the wild outdoors), come dangerously close to dropping a bucket of ant poison into my mothers pool, took one big swig from a pump of liquid soft soap, and run out of the house in nothing but his "undies", his relational advancement is extremely exciting to me. Can you blame me? Now, make no mistake, the boy has a will of steel and iron! Not the kind of "strong will" that means bossy britches. No, he isn't bossy at all, nope, he just doesn't intend to be bossed. This is a shame and quite a conflict of interests because sometimes I feel like all I do is boss Duke around. My newest idea was inspired in an effort to teach Duke some manners in a fun way; for some quality time and because Duke LOVES tea, he and I have started the ritual of "tea time" following his nap time! We both love it! And as for consequences for misbehavior, I stole a great tip from a friend and have started making him run laps around our shed instead of always sending him to the corner...let me just say, there are tread marks all the way around. He has a curiosity level and magnetizing effect for mischief that would put Curious George himself to shame. I recently heard Beth Moore say that she raised a child that could "make James Dobson cry his eyes out!" Ha! Well, Duke could to, but not without making him laugh his head off first.

My new expression to manage my stress or frustration is: "RATS!" Duke used to matter of factly answer me, "Rats are animals, Mama." But now he uses the expression himself to vent his frustration. This week he told me, "Rats! Puffin [one of his current favorite stuffed animals] is sick!" One of my most recent "Rats!" moments was when Daniel was out of town last week. I drove in the driveway with 2 hungry children, 100 degrees outside, refrigerated groceries in the car, Duke in need of some discipline, a neighbor in the driveway to discuss our shared fence, Adyline swimming in a car seat of overflowed baby poop (she is at that stage, remember it moms?) and to top it off I scratched the life out of my leg in the garage (just amputate it, 'who cares?' is what I was thinking in the moment). Just sizing the whole situation up, I could hardly decide where to put my attention first (I prioritized Adyline and her "mud" bath)! Well, I had one thing to say to the whole charade: "RATS!!!!"

These precious children have made us the happiest we have ever been, but not without making us the craziest we have ever been! No wonder my sudden obsession with dark chocolate. Do they medicate you if you start panicking when your location is separate from chocolate? And I guess when you have more mascara in your bangs than your actual eyelashes, than you know you either a mother of small children or a senior citizen. Oh well, this life is a blast.

Well, there has been lots to say about "brother;" now let me tell you about little sister. She is such a joy, oh she is just a doll! We are all 3 so in love with this girl! She is my alarm clock and with an alarm clock like this one, anybody would be a morning person. She is vibrant and lovely, cheerful and flexible, and glory to God, a good sleeper!!! YAY! She is precious. She is very smilie and interactive. She already knows how to crack up too! Adyline has an awesome sense of humor just like Duke and just when I think my heart is going to burst-- I fall more in love with her. I love washing and brushing her hair and dreaming about all the years to come brushing her hair and talking together. She already loves to babble, so that a good start, right? She always wants to see what Duke is doing (can you blame her?) so sometimes I have to leave the room to get her to sleep or to eat (But, this can be dangerous as Duke sees it as his cue for mischief). Daniel tells Adyline all the time that she's always smiling; and he is right. Truly, even when she is crying she stops and smiles; sometimes when she is dozing off she will look and me briefly, and give me her biggest smile just before rolling her eyes to the back of her head and drifting off to sleep.

Daniel bought me video monitors for both babies (don't even think about telling me I don't need 2 video monitors! Please! Of course I do! No one in their right mind would judge me for taping a video monitor directly to Duke's very forehead for the sake of everyone's safety and sanity.). Sometimes at night (after Daniel and I laugh about what crazy sleep position Duke is in) I will stare from one monitor to the other and think, what on earth that the God of heaven could bless me so much.

Daniel and I just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. I would marry him all over again and I have only grown to be more and more thankful for him. He is a great dad and I'm fighting tears as I tell you about what a blessing he is to our children. I thank God that Adyline has a loving dad that adores her, and I pray with all my heart that that assurance will protect her from giving her heart away before God's perfect timing. Oh my darling, "Listen to my instruction and be wise" (Prov 8:33, one of Duke's memory verses. Oh and this one is free, International Version of Duke: "Love your neighbor and yourself"). Oh Lord, despite the moments when I have nothing to do but say a quick prayer and exclaim, "rats!" thank you for these 3 precious people who daily enrich my life; help me live this life for you.

Our Hope Fulfilled: Adyline Hope Decker 1-31-11

2011-03-19T09:04:00.001-07:00

The Decker household is just so proud of our little "Adylinee" (Duke's nickname for her) and so glad that she has finally arrived. She is beautiful. I am so taken with just how precious she is. Daniel and I feel like we won the lottery to have both and son and a daughter! Sweet little Adyline Hope Decker, I can't wait to tell you about her...

Monday, January 31st I went to my weekly sonogram. I was so happy to have just crossed the 37 week mile marker. Sunday I had felt pretty miserable (swelling, headache) and had been "nesting" like crazy. Monday morning started out as a normal day. Got up, ate breakfast with Duke, picked up a little, visited with Daniel and headed to my appointment. I even called my sister, Kayla on the way to sing Happy birthday to her; little did I know, my daughter would have the same Birthday! I went in to Dr. Mayberry's office (our sonographer) and was told my blood pressure was through the roof! He said I had toxemia/preeclampsia AGAIN and he would call my OBGYN while I headed to the hospital. He was reassuring that female lungs develop faster than males and that he thought she'd be tiny, but mature enough to thrive outside the womb. I called Daniel and went straight to the hospital. I requested one of my favorite nurses from Duke's delivery and she was by my side the entire time; I was especially blessed to have her because the hospital did some rearranging to allow her to be my nurse. Dr. Tadvick came over and scheduled the operation for 2 pm. The operation itself was a little rough for me (throwing up, etc); and the pre-op magnesium makes a patient feel like they have the flu. But by 3:00 pm they could have told me they were cutting off my thumbs and it wouldn't have phased me! I had my baby girl and heavy doses of Demerol - I was a happy girl! I could not have even imagined how wonderful a delivery with few complications could be! I had my girl on my chest for the next 4 days straight. I savored every single moment with her. The next 6 days brought a blizzard, which was very inconvenient for Abilene, but so wonderful for me! I had nothing but quiet bonding time. I told Daniel that I felt like I needed to apologize to all of Abilene! I really think God in his kindness was extra sweet to me and provided the privacy that we had been hoping for. It was the sweetest, most sacred time. I will never forget it, each detail was perfect in every way and I felt overwhelmed with the kindness of my Lord. Why is He so sweet to me?

Daniel really wanted to keep Adyline Hope's name a secret until the delivery. Now, being the one that ruins at least one Christmas present every year, I was EXTREMELY nervous I would spill. It was especially difficult to keep it from my mom and sisters (kinda fun to keep it from my Dad and brothers though! If you know them, you understand why!). This being said, I have been dying to explain the significance of Adyline Hope's name for a very long time now.

About three years ago I was in a Beth Moore bible study where I learned about the biblical meaning of the word 'hope.' The brief discussion of the word became life changing to my thought life. We think of it as a positive, go lucky word: I hope mom makes spaghetti, etc. But, I found much greater meaning to the word. My entire life I have wrestled with fear. There have been times in my life that it has crippled me. Wherever I go, whatever I do, I have always found something to be afraid of. Following the trauma of Duke's arrival, I became very fearful about being pregnant again. God began teaching me to reject fear and embrace hope {Why are you downcast O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God for I will ever praise Him my savior and my God. Psalm 43:5} It became so profound in my spiritual walk that year, that when I journalled or prayed over my next pregnancy I referred to the future child as "hope." It was something special between me and the Lord. At this point I didn't intend to use it as a name, and I certainly didn't know the future to know that my next child would be female, however I felt strongly that it was the baby's God given identity even three years ago.

When Daniel and I first discovered we were pregnant, we decided to keep it between the two of us for a while. This was a sweet time, but being so close to my mom and sisters, I found it difficult (surprise surprise) to keep my mouth shut. I also didn't want them to feel as though they had missed out. So I started a journal for them about the special things God was doing for me during this time and began referring to the new life inside of me as "Hope" and "Hopie;" I also explained in this journal the significance of the nickname. There are so many things I could list for you that God did to reiterate the theme of hope to me. Too many to list, the redundancy became almost comical. For instance, the first Sunday we knew we were pregnant, a guest speaker came and preached a sermon on ... hum, what do you think? ... hope. The day we found out she was a girl, the sonogram room had one of those decorative wall words, what do you guess it said? Hope. On and on I could go with examples, except it's 10:30 pm and I am sleep deprived and dying to complete this and get it out on paper... :)

As I have mentioned in earlier posts, I lost my sweet Grandma Sara just weeks after the discovery of my pregnancy. It had been three years since I had seen Grandma Sara and I already missed her, being in her house and in North Carolina was almost heartbreaking for me because of the realization that I would never see her again this side of eternity. Over and over and over again Adyline's life inside of me was a salve to my pain. I felt like the Lord was telling me, "Yes, I have taken someone special; but do not lose hope because I am giving you someone special." Because the timing of their lives were intangled in my heart, I just couldn't help it, but I started imagining the child inside me to be a girl. Perhaps if I had lost my Granddad I would have thought of a boy, but I just wondered (and even hoped) if the Lord was putting another little lady in my life.

During the funeral service I was completely overwhelmed by such a life so well lived. There was nothing I didn't love about her (how many people can you say that about?). I felt very humbled to be referred to as one of her Granddaughters. Because of her legacy there were many, many people to speak about her from different parts and times of her life. I was amazed and almost amused that over and over again each speaker's words had the reoccurring theme of hope. It's like in my grief each speaker was literally using my baby's nickname over and over again, reminding me of the life and making it utterly impossible to escape God's comfort. How great is our God! Big enough to create galaxies, and small enough to orchestrate tiny details to forever engrave a victorious virtue in my heart. At this point, I just started saying to the Lord, "I get it. OK, absolutely, I will not be downcast, I WILL put my hope in YOU!" Despite the fact that the past year has held a lot of heart ache and trials for me and loved ones, I am utterly convinced that this is the season of hope in our lives; because of this experience I have not lost hope in the other circumstances. Following all these experiences, I began saying that God named her Hope. It was just so appropriate in every way to give it to her as a name.

In Adyline's nursery I have a special shadow box of a photo of my Grandma Sara holding me as a baby. It also holds her necklace--a cross pendant given to me by my Granddad. Inside of it is the verse featured below. I love it because my Grandma was a very hopeful person; very innocent and gentle and full of hope. Even though my daughter doesn't have the same name as my Grandma, I ask God to tell her I named my baby in honor of her. It is such a victorious word and I love knowing that it is forevermore stamped to Adyline's forehead so that she will never escape the reality of what her precious life has taught me. If Duke is a dream come true (and I have always said he is), then Adyline, you are my hope fulfilled. I love her forever and ever, my darling, my Adyline, my "hope."

But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love.

Psalm 33:18

Adyline Hope Decker

January 31, 2011

5 lbs 8 oz; 18 3/4 inches

To see a picture slide show and beautiful song by Adyline's Poppies, go to:

My Adyline

2011-01-31T20:47:00.001-08:00

This has been one of the sweetest days of my life. It was so perfect. I love her more every second. Adyline is doing just fabulous. She weighed 5 lb 8 oz; 18 and 3 quarters long. She is just an angel and looks a lot like her big brother. She has a surprising amount of dark, curly hiar. She is eating well and busy being adored by her parents. I can't stop saying, "I'm so happy!" Even though I know I just said it. This morning I went to see our sonographer and my blood pressure was through the roof. I developed preeclampsia again, but this time I made it to 37 weeks--Thank you Lord! As I type this Adyline is laying on my chest with her head right under my chin. She is SO precious. What a surprise today turned out to be. Adyline and my sister, Kayla share birthdays. I love that! Duke got to hold her today, he has been waiting so long to meet her. I enjoyed watching him hold her and look at her lovingly. I am still on magnesium and a few other things as well, so I feel like I am probably making all kinds of spelling/grammatical errors, also I am typing this on my phone and cannot figure out how to start a new paragragh, but I just had to share how much God has poured out the flood gates of blessing. Today was a piece of heaven and I stand in awe of how very, very good God has been to me. Thank you Jesus for the sweetest treasure of my very blessed family. I could just hug the world. Thank you all for your continued prayers for us.
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On Nursery and "Baby Hasser"

2011-01-27T11:03:00.000-08:00

For as long as Duke has been able to crawl, we have noticed an absolute obsession with cars! But lately he has been, almost equally, obsessed with stuffed animals. He loves them, names them, feeds them, sleeps next to as many as we will allow, and takes them where ever he can. I guess it's this new hobby in his life, or maybe just his vivid imagination, but lately he has introduced us to someone new; now, I have no idea how long this individual has been around, but his name is Baby Hasser. Baby Hasser is an invisible baby calf that fits in Duke's hands. Baby Hasser follows Duke around often (so we hear) and Duke is usually kind enough to pick him up and carry him. I have seen children with imaginary friends before, but Baby Hasser just makes Daniel and me laugh our heads off.

The other day Duke was playing in the back yard and started gagging like he was going to throw up. He was really upset that he had something nasty in his mouth and when I looked in there was nothing there. Immediately I asked the question I have come to so frequently dread to ask, "Duke, what did you swallow?" Don't you know every mother cringes when she has to utter those words together? Ugh. "Grass," he responded. Great. Just great. I have no doubt that Duke and Baby Hasser were out there eating grass together. Luckily, Duke didn't care for the taste at all (he kept gagging even after he drank his water) and I don't suspect he will let Baby Hasser convince him to join for a graze any time soon.

Duke takes excellent care of Baby Hasser though. Recently, Duke and I were driving away from Prime Time and Duke gasped, "Mommy! We forgot Baby Hasser!" I quickly reached into my purse and said, "Here he is, I got him!" Duke looked like the weight of the world was lifted from his shoulders and was so relieved. Baby Hasser lives on...

Speaking of babies and imagining, lately every evening I HAVE to go into our nursery, close my eyes and dream of bringing home our baby girl. This room is just a haven for me. I feel so incredibly blessed to get to bring home another baby Decker. Thank you Jesus!

We closed off this room in our house and behind this curtain is a double door that we have sealed off. Between the door and the curtain is a painting from a friend that is covered in twinkle lights. I don't have a lamp in this room, but in the evening I turn on the twinkle lights and the entire sheer curtain illuminates and it looks like stars. Its so soothing, I love it!

This is above her amoire--technically a TV cabinet that Daniel found on Craig's list! This room doesn't have a closet and Daniel found this beautiful piece for $100. He just installed a pole to hang for his baby's clothes and waaa--laaa: an Armour. I think it is wonderful, and it matches her crib and changing table beautifully. We also replaced the knobs for little pink glass ones. I could not be happier with this piece! Awesome job Daddy!

This is a little shelf Daniel hung for me, but what I want to point out is the picture. I have blogged previously about the loss of my sweet Grandma Sara right about my tenth week of pregnancy. I told Daniel, we may be laughing at me in a few weeks, but I really think I am having a girl. The new life of my baby was such a comfort to me with the sadness of my loss. As I have said several times, these two lives will forever be entangled in my heart. The picture on the shelf is a shadow box of my Grandma Sara holding me as a baby and also if you look closely you'll see a pendant from her necklace. Yes, it's the one from my Granddad that I got for Christmas (see previous blog). I intend to put a verse in it as well, but I will have to explain that later...

This is the bedding my fabulously talented mother made. I had looked all over for a "cottagy" style, soft pink, floral fabric and couldn't find anything I liked. I had literally spent hours looking. She found and suggested this fabric collection and I couldn't love it more! She has been sewing her heart out trying to make my quickly approaching "deadline" (11 days, whoop whoop!)

Here is the inside of the "Amoire." We have been blessed with SO many hand me down clothes from friends and family. Most everything in here has been given to us and we have boxes in the attic for her to grow into. Sheesh, we are SO blessed.

Here is a close up of some of the fabric...

The finishing touch will be the cushions for this rocker. Mom is currently working on them! I'm so excited! I look forward to lots of sweet moments in this rocker!

This shelf is not complete, however I must point out the music box on the left. This was mine when I was a little girl and I have always loved it! It's three angels standing around baby Jesus in the manger. It was in my room and bares the evidence by being cracked in a couple places--but I HAD to include it in her room! Oh! I should also point out that Daniel built and installed this shelf.

Well, there she is! Very likely the next time I blog, will be after our daughter is born! I can't wait to announce and explain the significance of her name! Tune in next time...

Songs of Highest Praise

2010-12-28T19:43:00.000-08:00

I feel so rediculously blessed this season of my life.

1. Today we found out that our sweeet friend's, the Lowe's are experiencing the joy of remission after their five year old son's difficult battle with Leukemia. I am so happy! This trial has really reminded me once again of what is truly important in life. Amy is one of my dearest friends and watching her nurture her family during this fight has been very inspiring. I feel very honored to call her my friend and have the privilage of watching her example. Her husband and children adore her (with good reason) and I cannot even imagine her joy tonight over the good news!

2. Daniel and I had a special Christmas this year together as always. He is just so great! I liked watching him pick out exactly the right toy shot gun and the perfect plane and big mac truck for Duke.

He got me something I have been wanting for several years: a new back door! But this one has blinds inside it so I don't ever have to dust it. It's pretty sweet. He also got me a photo book he made online of family pictures over the last year. I think/hope this is becoming a tradition; he has made me a picture book every year for the last 3 years---but don't tell him I said that because he hates to be predictable ;)

3. Daniel and I had so much fun on Christmas with Duke! This was our first year to really experience Santa's role--if you will. Daniel's aunt Becky came over to babysit Duke for us and we enjoyed going out to shop for all his presents. It was so fun! We got him a sit and spin, LOTS of CARS, a tow truck, a mr. potato head, a pair of jeans, his first shot gun, and a book about construction vehicles. We stuffed his stocking with car themed fruit snacks (you know, those "fruit snacks" with zero fruit?), cars stickers, more hotwheels cars and some tiny stuffed animals. He loved it all, and we had SO much fun Christmas morning watching his delight! Isn't being a parent the best?

Having parents is also great at Christmas though...
I have always said my dad is the most generous person I know, so everybody loves being his friend at Christmas. BUT he really surprised me this year with something extra special. I love his voice and his heart and he used them both this year to celebrate our little darling's life. He wrote a song for our baby girl. He intended to keep it a secret until we brought her home; he wanted to sing it when we got home and Daniel had her in his arms. He decided to go ahead and share it and I'm so glad he did! Amongst other reasons, I am a CRYER of a person if you have ever met one. I was pretty much face contorting and snorting through the whole thing, and if I had heard it with the added emotions and hormones of just delivering, no beach towel could have held the flood gates under my eyes. My favorite line is, "she won our hearts before her birth," because it's so true! I'm telling you what people, I am pretty sure when I lay eyes on this baby girl, whatever pieces of my heart I have left are gonna be gone!. I have included the lyrics below and also a link to the video Daniel recorded of it.

A a couple months ago my mom and I were in a specialty store and I went nuts over a pair of extrememly soft, nursing pj's, robe and matching baby pj's (just for the record, my nursing pj's with Duke were from Wal Mart. Daniel, bless his heart, got them for me when he had to scramble to get everything ready for Duke's homecoming. Here is the kicker: the ONLY ones they had were XXXL. Just in case I didn't feel self concious enough with a giant gash in my stomach, swollen face and post pregnancy body, I topped it off with an XXXL nursing gown). Anyway, when I saw this set I flipped! Next I checked the price tag and croaked. Whoa...nevermind; I'll wear my hag in a bag ones for the next three kids before I spend that. No way, too expensive. Well, my mom went back and got them and saved them for me for Christmas. That's right. She assured me they were on sale, but that didn't make me feel any less of a princess when I opened them. I can't believe she got them, they will look beautiful even with spit up down the sholder. Thanks mom!

My Granddad gave me a necklace that belonged to my sweet Grandma Sara. I am particularly excited about this because her death was timed so closely with our discovery of baby girl's sweet life. Forever more, I will have my Grandma's life and my daughter's life intertwined in my heart. How sweet of the Father to give me someone special right before He would take someone special from me. I will save this necklace for our darling and tell her how special she is, and how much her sweet life comforted me during the loss of my Grandma.

We went to Lingleville and celebrated with Daniel's mom and family and also with his Dad. Daniel's mom gave us a double bike trailer to take our little ones with us on our bike rides. I look forwared to lots of family rides! I was so honored that Daniel's dad wanted to get a picture of Duke and I for his office! He took one of the three of us, then told Daniel he wanted one of just me and Duke (said he already has one of Daniel, Emily (sister) and Andy (brother)). He gave us a nice Christmas nest egg too. On the way back to Abilene I told Daniel he got the best qualities of both his parents.

4. I have begun my eighth month of pregnancy and feel very well and healthy. It has been such a relief every time my blood pressure has been taken and read something like 114/76. YES! Thank you Lord!

5. Thank you to all of you who have prayed for and blessed us this year. We have such an awesome support group and have been so blessed by all the love and encouragement that we have recieved from you. We hope that everyone had a meaningful Christmas!

Here are the Lyrics to Baby cake's song and the link:
There's a new little girl in our house
Our family’s dreams have come true.
The wait seemed long, but now we're looking at you

There's a new little girl in our house
We'll keep her safe from all harms
She's already trusting in her Daddy's arms

To Chorus

There's a new little girl in our house
You'll never measure her worth
.She won our hearts...before her birth
There's a new little girl in our house
Her little sounds are like songs
. The sun got brighter when she came along

Chorus

A whole new world it begins today
Now what will it bring
First the dolls
Dressing up in lacy things
Will she love to watch picture shows
Stay awake until dawn
These are the things
Silly they seem (Last time only)
These are the things
I find myself thinking on

Bridge

And when she takes her first step
.And as you gently let go
..Your heart is gonna be reaching
Cause your love...it's just gotta show
You know I'd like to be there
To see her little face all aglow

To chorus

2010-12-09T11:51:00.000-08:00

The Decker household is very, VERY excited about the coming of our newest baby. Duke loves planning the things he will do with "sister" when she gets here. He really does seem to comprehend that she is in my tummy for now, but will be out sooner or later. We have 2 baby dolls at our house (a stroller too! How is that for politically correct, eh?). They were mine and I just can't seem to part with them. Anyway, Duke had been playing with his stuffed animals (current favorites: Windsor, Joe and Carrots) and one of the babies. He took his three animals to nap time with him and left the baby out on the floor. So, when I went in to get him up from nap I grabbed baby to toss her back in his toy box. When I opened his door he looked at me in a sleepy, disoriented, stupor. Then, he jumped up with a shocked look on his face and said, "Mommy! Did that baby come out?!" Oh Duke, if only it were that easy on Mommy to have a baby. You would surely have 5 siblings by now! Yes, while you were napping, I delivered our baby, dressed her, maintained my hair, makeup and clothes and walked in to your room to get you after major surgery. Did you have a nice nap? Sweet boy!

Oh, come to think of it, we have 3 dolls at our house. I loved dolls SO much as a child that the day we found out our baby was a "sister" my mom ran over with a "baby's first baby" doll for her new granddaughter. Duke and I started referring to the baby as "sister." Later, that night in the car on the way to church I said again to Duke, (he had already heard me say this 209354592035935 times that day) "Duke! YOU are going to have a SISTER!" He responded with, "I know. I left her at home." Daniel and I laughed our heads off. I told him he better brace himself for a lot more drama than "baby's first baby" brought with her.

I know I am biased, but I just think our baby girl is the most fortunate thing in the world to have him for a big brother. He plans to get her a Hotwheels car and teach her how to play, he wants to push her in the stroller on walks and take her to the park. He even asked me if he can rock her when she gets here. For all his rough and tough, he sure does have a tender heart.

Speaking of his tender heart, lately he has had a weakness for "tiny" things. If he sees a miniature anything he scrunches his face up (like as if it's the most compassionate he has ever felt in his entire life) and says in the slowest, most emotional and passionate voice: "Ooooo------ooohhhh a ti-------ny one!" If he sees a miniature car he just about needs a tranquilizer. He loves cars so much. People comment all the time that they cannot believe how much he loves cars. Most little boys love cars, but Duke would lay his life down to keep his cars lined up in a straight line. When he is riding in the car and sees a wrecked or dented car, it is about all he can take. Flat tires sometimes merit the same reaction. He will choke out, "That. Car. Is. Broken. That makes me sad, Mama." He reminds me of his Daddy, a man's man with a big heart.

My Brokenheart

2010-06-11T13:09:00.000-07:00

The following has been in my draft box since June. I was pregnant (but hadn't had time to discover it yet) when I wrote this. I have debated for 7 months whether or not to post this as it sat in my draft box. I have wondered and wondered if I could/should "bleed" this much in front of the world. This time marked a pivotal time for me, and now that I am a few steps past this healing, I am ready to post it.

Isaiah 61:1

"He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted"

Ok, today we get a little personal; simply because I am so blown away, I just CANNOT keep it to myself. There are areas of grief that I am fiercely private about, but for some reason I feel moved to spill my guts like Duke does a box of cheerios on freshly swept floor. In order to appreciate the healing, I need to take you through the brokeness. Please pardon all the "blood," hear goes my story:

The biggest heart break that I have ever experienced was absolutely, hands down, being separated from and restricted from bonding with my treasured, long awaited, fragile newborn. Immediately following his birth I was not allowed to even attempt to meet his needs; this was unspeakably devastating. It was my "fault" physically that he had to be born prematurally. Hearing my doctor tell me that my body had "become a hostile environment" to my baby brought about unspeakable shame and guilt. Then following the experience, it broke my heart that shockingly, some were somehow capable of not taking the situation seriously, minimizing it, or worse: blowing it off entirely. The feeling of your heart violently being ripped to pieces; crushed; incapacitated; the one dearest to Daniel and I somehow was much better taken care of away from the loving embrace of our arms. For my entire life, and certainly the last several months this moment was the one I had literally lived for. Being with my husband to lavish our brand new infant with love in his first moments of life had been a lifetime passionate longing and dream. (In fact,those of you who have known me most of my life know that I am not exaggerating in any of this, all jokes aside from the high school girl who used to sometimes break into tears at the sight of a baby). When I would imagine his entrance into the world, it would literally take my breath away with joyful anticipation. Instead, my son's first moments of life were some of the most agonizing moments of my entire life because the reality was, the best thing for my son was to be unstimulated, and in a incubator--away from his mother and father. His situation was so serious. Were it not for God's allowance for modern technology, perhaps he would not have lived on his own. When I reflect on those moments, I literally do not know how I survived the physical pain of a heart smashed to bits, except for that God graced me to be able to do so. I would have given anything to "correct" that experience, but I am learning to extract the precious and let the pain be healed by The Healer. Following the experience, I developed loads of anxiety and distrust toward others. I felt alone, broken and like I had failed the two people dearest to me, and the last ones in the world I would ever want to fail: Daniel and Duke. Despite my best efforts; and Lord knows, best intentions, my body failed anyway.

As Duke got older, comments like, "Ok! you are going to have to hand that baby over to me!" sent me into orbit. On the inside I was a complete wreck every single time someone would "lovingly" demand my infant from me. It seemed that overbearing baby snatchers were every where and I hated going places where I knew he would immediately be scooped out of my arms. It's just that I had had nurses actually say things to me like that they "have to take the baby now." The reality of the past spilled into the perception of the present like a tidal wave; and overbearing people became literally my greatest fear. So when women would approach me and assume the right to take my baby, I felt defeated, disrespected, offended and afraid; plus the added baggage of reliving those painful moments in the past. The doctor, nurses and education literature had strongly cautioned about exposure of infants (plus, Duke was a preemie!), over and over again I didn't have the strength to politely set my boundary and over and over again Daniel would drive me home crying about how I had failed...again. I just wanted and needed (I will be the same way the second* go-around, even with, Lord willing, a healthy full term baby) to be the one mothering my baby. When I bring home a puppy everyone can handle it, play with it and run off with it; but not with my baby. I wouldn't let just anyone drive my car, but somehow it is a social expectation that a new baby is public domain. I just was not raised that way, it's not how we view motherhood! I am sincerely sorry if that disappoints anyone. I still get a nervous tick when I see a baby tossed around from one person to the next. I just can't even stand it! (*Clarify that I am not pregnant)

Over the last two and a half years the Lord has been healing me from the inside out. I do mean that quite literally. Many of the health issues that hung on for the first year have greatly alleviated and in addition the Lord has graciously shown me so much of his heart and grown me through this testimony. I have identified my own insecurities, and the false guilt that my physical disposition was my fault. God is so good and is continuing to bless me daily--hourly, with so many riches. I can't even believe I have a wonderful husband, a full time position as Duke's mom and Daniel's wife, a lovely community of believers, and a beautiful home with all of my emotional, spiritual and physical needs met. Are you kidding me? What more do I have to ask for? What in the world, that the God of the universe would desire to give me security in Him, a constant covenant relationship, and salve to bind up my broken heart?

He has enlightened me that the path that Daniel and I walked was not messed up. I wasn't enough of a failure to somehow mess up the sovereignty of God! Hallelujah! We just aren't that good at being bad! Somehow it was exactly as it was always going to be. Had I not suffered, would I truly appreciate being a Duke's mom in the hardest times? Would I know the pleasure of the whole world standing still while I rocked my sleeping baby--had I not known what it was to be unable to?Would I have any idea what it feels like to have unspeakable awe and joy in the miracle of his life, were I not so aware of how fragile his life and well being have been? Would I know what it's like to be so beloved of God, had I not needed his affectionate healing so desperately? God was there for the whole thing. He was the one in control of my body and Duke's and He was beside the three of us the entire time. No pain went unnoticed, every tear was sacred to Him. Oh, Lord! I am blown away by the wonder of Your good heart! I hope I have learned that no matter what circumstance God allows in my life, it is for some glorious purpose. Lord, I just need you to know that You were worth every bit of the pain!

Just today it hit me like a tital wave: God has felt all of these exact feelings only on a much, MUCH grander scale. He experienced horrid, tearing seperation from His precious only Son to a degree that I cannot even bare to imagine. Following his sacrifice, countless disregarded it, minimized it and dismissed it. The whole time God knew that He Himself had "caused" it out of His great love for us. I know I can trust God with my heart, hopes and dreams because from God's very real Godheart He has felt my same emotions (only on a much, MUCH greater scale), and I am convinced He covered me with understanding and mercy during that time. He knows EXACTLY how I feel not just because He is all knowing, but because His heart is real too and now I realize that my biggest heart break was personally understood by my God. I do not want to be misinterpreted, I would NEVER have the audacity to pretend that what I experienced was anywhere near this inconcievable sacrifice--yet I am so blessed by the analogy I have just lived through. Having been through this, I feel SO much more awe and closeness with God the Father. He believed I was worth His heart breaking, my comparitive speck of pain is sacred and safe in His hands. I trust and love Him now more than ever.

Beth Moore's "Breaking Free" bible study has been a wonderful tool where I have learned and grown upon many of these life lessons.
I also love Jeremy Camp's new song Healing Hand of God. Guess he wrote a song just for me and God to enjoy together! :)

Here are the lyrics:

I have seen the many faces of fear and of pain

I have watched the tears fall plenty from heartache and strain

So if life's journey has you weary and afraid

There's rest in the shadow of His wings

I have walked through the valleys, the mountains, and plains

I have held the hand of freedom that washes all my stains

If you feel wieght of many trials and burdens from this world

There's freedom in the shelter of the Lord

And I have seen the healing hand of God

Reaching out and mending broken hearts

Taste and see the fullness of His peace

And hold on to what's being held out

The healing hand of God

And I have toched the scars upon His hands to see if they were real

He has walked the road before me, he knows just how i feel

When you feel that there's not anyone, who understands your pain

just remember all of Jesus's suffering

'Cause I have seen the healing hand of God

Reaching out and mending broken hearts

Tast and see the fullness of His peace

And hold on to what's being held out

Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you

He's near to the broken and confused

Biy His stripes our spirit is renewed

So enter in the joy prepared for you

I have seen the healing hand of God

Reaching out and mending broken hearts

Taste and see the fullness of His peace

and hold on to what's being held out

The healing hand of God

The healing hand of God

The healing hand of God

And hold onto what's being held out

And hold onto what's being held out

The healing hand of God, oh,oh

Life with George

2010-03-02T11:36:00.000-08:00

People tell me I need to blog more. Well, here's the deal: I can only blog when Duke is asleep; I have a relatively decent handle on my house work, meal plans and laundry; have had some time pulling myself together in the WORD; no phone calls to return or other misc. jobs, AND I am not desperately in need of a nap myself...SO basically when the moon and stars line up perfectly and Jupiter is the right shade of purple, I might sit down to blog. Hence, the fact that it has been six months (almost to the day) since my last entry.

So much has happened in the last 6 months. Reffing season has begun and ended, Glory to God on high; I am in a intensive study that I am really enjoying on Philippians; and our baby has turned into Curious George in the flesh. We have also found ourselves very much at home and involved at University Baptist Church here in Abilene. We have made friends with several sweet families at our church home, many of which have children close to Duke's age; this has been such a blessing to us! What a relief it is to know you are normal, right?! Or at least that there is a lovely group of people who are just as insane as us! I cannot even put to words what our new support group of young families has meant to us. Like, when I hear something crash, there is a decent chance that it was another kid; why is that so nice? I don't know, it just is. Or when I bring my kid to life group with Desiten still greased in his hair (despite the 7 times washing it, including a concoction of baking soda and vinegar) I know that he will be a joyful conversation piece (and I did say joyful not judgemental ;) !). Then there was last Sunday when somehow, we only made it to church with one shoe on Duke's feet. We searched everywhere in the car and then I said, "aw, how cares? Let's go into church." Duke loves any chance to play with UBC kids or our other set of friends, which brings me to another blessing in our lives. Duke and I have recently made friends with several mom and tot pairs from our gymnastics class. This has been so wonderful to have! Each of his buddies are so precious and well mannered! Two of the families live in our own neighborhood even! How much greater could it get? I have LOVED getting to know them and their wise mommies! We have also started going to the Library for story time with some of these treasured friends. Duke is greatest attribute is his kindness. He loves to make people feel at home in our house; usually be bringing guests one of his toys after another, until their laps are spilling over with toys. He has a great sense of humor; he enjoys nothing more than making others crack up and having a good laugh himself. He laughs SO hard, using all his strength! His laugh is my most favorite sound in the world; it brightens my day and makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world! How truly blessed we are!

Speaking of Gymnastics, some times I wish we could just move in for the next year at least. Duke and I would fit right in the Family Circus cartoons. In fact, some days I would swear that we don't just fit in, we took up residence and have our name on the mail box and our welcome mat at their front door. Since this summer, I have called poison control 3 times and 9-11 once. That's right, full blown ambulance and fire truck in our front yard. Thank you Duke, my resident savage. I can't even believe that his friends are allowed to come over, much less be baby sat by Miss Katie. I can't even believe I used to do this for a living! There are so many times I would have fired myself at being a nanny, only I can't because I am the MOM! My son goes no where with more than one shoe on his feet and usually no socks. Upon reaching our destination I have to dig through the car to find everything he has thrown from his car seat. He is doing great at potty training, but that is mostly because I let him pee off the back porch which he thinks is just splendid; it's almost as great as convincing me to pull over and let him take a leak in a parking lot, begging the Lord to make me invisible the entire time. Yes, we have been known to do that too. Day before yesterday after his bath he went to the potty and tinkled like a big boy; next he ran to the dirty clothes cabinet, pulled all the laundry out and then pooped looking out the top of the laundry bin the whole time. He immediately moved to the opposite corner and said quietly (as if our bathroom was full of people) "poop." I said, "Oh, you need to sit on the potty?! Great job telling me..." opening the door to find that he was simply notifying me of the past rather than the future. Bummer. Another time, he dumped a bottle of liquid all over the floor (part of his strategy to keep me busy). While I was busy cleaning it up, he hopped up on the couch, took off his diaper and watched himself pee on the couch. He has also been known to attempt to change his own DIRTY diaper. Mommy's little helper.

I got Duke and Daddy foam swords from the dollar store for Christmas; they are great fun for everyone. But Mr. Creative (Duke, not Daniel) uses his swords in his spare time to knock the pictures off the walls. Rascal. But what a delight it is to watch his face as he soaks in something new, or as he concentrates to work a puzzle! He loves, loves, LOVES to read books and I enjoy the chance to actually be still in his presence and especially have him in my lap. He enjoys helping cooking, so long as it is a short cooking project. He would rather run anywhere than think even think of walking. But he is getting refined, because recently he has discovered a love for hot (well, warm) tea sweetened with honey. Well, I am a smart cookie and went out and bought the Decker's a economy family size of sleepy time tea. I am moderately convinced that it works too! I love hot tea myself, and since Daniel is not a "hot tea kinda guy" I am delighted to have tea time with my little boy.

Daniel came home one day to find his wife a psycho-path, so he took Duke to his room to play and gave me 30 minutes in my room, door shut, with Divine Design and some wonderfully hot tea. After my break, Duke was sitting on my lap being so affectionate, cute and sweet. He held my head and looked into my eyes. The thought went sweetly through my head: You precious angel, how could I ever be frustrated or impatient with you? Just then Duke reared his head back and head butted my forehead. Not being mean, mind you, just being a rambuctuous boy. That almost sent me packing back to my room for another 30 min. regroup. Gone are the days where daily goals for Duke were perfect nutrition, adequate sleep and stimulation for his neurological development and as much time as possible holding him and soaking up every possible second of cradling my baby. Suddenly, and surprisingly subtlely, everything turned to suicide watch! Like I said, three calls to poison control and one to 9-11. If some one were to ask why I could spend the entire day working at home and by the end of the day have no clean clothes, no hot meal, and no fixed hair; and a sink full of dishes my answer would be two words: suicide watch. Duke keeps me busy keeping him from destroying something or himself! He lives in a climbing up and jumping off continuing cycle; once one ends, the other begins. He loves life, and he loves being a boy and acting like one. He also loves tasting anything and everything except if it's something on a plate or if it resembles fresh food...never can be too sure about food that landed on a plate recently, you know. Also, you know you are a mother of a toddler when you have a shelf in your house devoted to things (yours and others') that need to be glued back together. Oh, and speaking of shelves, I have a shelf that I have to stretch to reach. It is about six feet off the ground, baby proof enough for ya? You'd think that would be out of Duke's reach. Well, how lucky he is monkey, because he can climb his changing table, stretch his arms and reach that shelf. Yes, that is the one with the Vaseline, desiten, and baby powder. What a fun activity, baby powder yourself and your entire room! Then mark your trail down the hall; and all during "nap time." Wo0-wwho!

Oh, what a rascal! And what a huge amount crazy stories I could tell you! But mostly, over the last six months the Lord has shown me that I just need to have a sense of humor about this stage in my sweetie's life. He is, in the flesh, my answered prayer. No person on the planet has brought me more joy...or insanity than Mr. Duke Decker. Every night when we say our bed time prayers, I ask God to "help Duke obey Mommy and Daddy." But the Lord never, EVER, not once even, let's me leave it at that. He always moves in my heart like crazy until I utter the words, "and help mommy to obey God." How could I have ever imagined all the lessons I would learn through raising a little boy for God's kingdom? Obedience is a tricky thing. I have to remind myself that behavior modification is not and will not be my ultimate goal. I have said this before and I'll say it again, raising him to honor and obey God is my ultimate goal; God help me. Thank you God, for a sweet man to parent my children with and for the unending joy of being some one's mother. I have promised myself, that I will not complain for the inevitable trials that come attached to this honored title of "Mommy." :D Life is a joy. Thank you God for gracing us with Your good gifts. I love you Daniel and Duke, with all my heart.

Three Firstborns Under One Roof

2009-09-03T13:39:00.000-07:00

Mondays are our cleaning days at the Deckers. Duke was a "big" help this monday. His latest nickname is Rooskers and Raskal, so now that you have the memo, you'll know who I am talking about. Monday mornings get a little wet and wild to say the least. It's always when the junk of the weekend is strung through the house and sunday afternoon laziness has hung over into the next day leaving much disaray and clutter throughout our home. Last weekend, Daniel, our shopping "shark" sold his truck and bought the first piece to his new TV area: an entertainment center. Moving the old TV was a dusty process, so ontop of the weekend "hangover" clutter we had a nice layer of dust. Duke and I started in right after our breakfast. We began with the bathrooms. He got a squirt bottle of water and a small towel and went around making himself useful. He did his best to do just as he saw me do with my more serious squirt bottle and nastier looking rag. After we finished the bathroom, got candy for going "teetee" and put away our rags and bottles, we headed to the bedroom to dust. I love swiffer dusting supplies (clearly I am a stay at home mom, because their new duster extenders were the highlight of my week! I suppose I live a sheltered life, but at least it is a dust free shelter Praise the Lord!) Anyhow, Duke got one swiffer Duster and I got the one with the awesome extender (I was oh so hoping he would not notice how much better my new one was than his handmedown and thankfully he didn't object to the arrangement.) We quickly went to dusting. Raskal dusted, knocked over Daddy's sunflower seeds, had used sunflower seeds dug out of his mouth by mommy, and chased Jax, then sat in time out for picking Jax up by his fur. Then it was time to sweep. He got the broom attachment to my dustpan and went to work imitating my every move. The cutest thing to me though happened by Duke's own initiative and creativity when he saw me vacuuming. He ran to get his push "popper" (you remember them, every generation of kids has had one. This one came from a garage sale for a quarter and Lord only knows how old it is.) Here came Rooskers, running in pushing his popper. I would have thought he had moved on past the cleaning theme and was making his own fun, except for now he was motioning it just as though it were a vacuum cleaner. Couple steps forward, stretch your body and pull that popper back; not to mention in rows just like Mommy. This is what happens when three firstborns live under one roof. Shower time was crazy, yet another shower when I get out with a slippery naked toddler, and only one shaved leg. Each time I promise myself I am not ever going to try to shower us both at the same time. Just be dirty till his nap Katie! I tell myself. But the truth is, nap time is sounding all the more like something I want to participate in more than the shower! Oh gross, and too much information. Sorry!
Tuesday I decided that I was going to focus my morning around him entirely. Afterall, he had earned it by focusing his monday morning on my agenda. So we packed a lunch and headed to the zoo. Just he and I. He had a blast, not real sure about the stress levels of the animals after we left, but Duke took and extra long nap which, I might add, is always the indicator that a good time was had...at least by Duke! Walking by the giraffs I said: "Duke, can you say giraff?" Duke responded: "Ball." Oh well, when in doubt go with what you know, right? I did the same thing when I was in school, if I didn't know the answer I would try to talk about something I was educated on. My logic: hopefully they would conclude if I was so informed to know an oratory on topic B, surelly I had been briefed and was way superior to topic A. Nice, Duke; 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree'.
When I was in the early stages of Duke's pregnancy, I saw a poster about 'Mom and Tot gymnastics.' It was then that I began the arduous process of BEGGING Daniel to fund this wonderful activity. Three weeks ago my dream came true and Duke and I headed off to Mom and Tots at the Gymnastics Sport Center. We love it! It is once a week and about 20 pairs of toddlers and moms. They are adorable! But make no mistake, Duke is by far the cutest. His favorite thing to do is run down the extra long trampoline run and pounce on the mats. It's even better if he almost crashes into three other little toddler boys with the same idea. Heaven forbid he bump into a girl though. They just aren't as tough. At the end of Gymnastics, he and the toddler mob get candy from Tony the bear. I suppose just in case his energy would be run out, they hand each static headed kid a sugar stick to recharge. I just want to know where the espresso line is for the moms. On the drive home Duke downs his sippy cup of water and I down my sportier, more adult looking sippy. And as we walk in the house to see Daddy, who do you think is more tired? That's right, not Duke. Whew! Skip my walk on those days because I know I have definately burned my callories for the rest of the day. When I think of what I had in mind when I saw that poster two and a half years ago, I remember imagining myself (makeup on and hair done of course) gracefully helping my well groomed, well behaved, toddler flip over bars; jumping together on trampolines, etc. Something about jumping over five toddler boys to prevent the tackling of Little toddler Miss Priss, wasn't exactly what I had in mind. In fact, truth be told it's better. This is real life; our house isn't supposed to look like a museum with everything neat as a pin and Duke was never supposed to look like a plastic my little pony for heaven's sake. The fact is I love having a toddler boy. It's crazy and exhasting, but at the end of the day, I've never felt so blessed. Every day I have to love him is a gift, even when the wrapping is a little unorthodox. Lest we grow old and think we've got it all together, God filled the Decker home with the delight of a toddler boy on a mission...Praise His blessed Name and take cover or you might get hit by a sunflower seed filled, static headed, dirty diapered, precious little boy.

Whole Grain... Goodness!

2009-05-25T11:25:00.000-07:00

For months now we have had trouble keeping Duker T. out of the dog food. The other day, what I like to call a stroke of genius hit me about the same time a stroke of hunger hit Duke. He was once again snacking on dog food and making a mess. I looked at the clock and noticed it was about his snack time. Perhaps he is able to pass up the temptation most of the time, but maybe when he gets hungry he just can't pass up the delectable, tempting dog food dish sitting out in the open like an all you can eat buffet. Now, I thought to myself, my son barks like a dog, he scratches on the door when he wants to go out, he chews on dog toys, he crawls in Jax's dog kennel....why in the world would he not exhibit a strong urge to munch on appetizing, Purina One, Chicken and Whole Grain, Healthy Weight Formula, Dog Chow? I couldn't think of a reason either.

We have some bowls for table training that have a suction cups on the bottom of them to prevent both spilling and the ability to hurdle bowls of spaghetti through the kitchen. They are fabulous! Lucky for me, Jax doesn't like Whole Grain Cheerios because I suction cupped a bowl to the tile next to Jax's food and water; then I filled it with Cheerios and said: "Look Duke! This is your dog food!" Much to my amusement, my cutie's sober expression slowly evolved into a look of wild excitement and delight, he dropped from his standing position to his hands and knees to crawl over to his bowl; then full aware of the dog only area, he put his face straight into his bowl of cheerios rather than using his "paws" to assist his eating. Before I had stopped laughing he lifted up his head frustrated that the bowl was too small for his face to fit into. Then, a stroke of genius hit my little puppy wanna'be. He carefully placed about five Cheerios onto the tile and then put his face down to the floor to eat just like a little puppy would.

The next morning upon giving Jax his dog food, I did the same routine. Duke, never to disappoint, did the whole doggy play over again. He has done it several times since then. Now if I could just figure out how to keep him out of Jax's water...

2009-04-22T12:01:00.000-07:00

Duke and I are having way too much fun today! We just went to prime time to play in the kid's play place. It was before thier open hours so i got to climb in with him! Now we are home for a nap, laundry and dinner-t0-the-crook-pot, and then headed to the mall to play in the toddler area. So fun!

Videos of Duke!

2009-04-19T16:26:00.000-07:00

Here are a few recent videos of Duke:

Just another ordinary, extrordinary day..

2009-04-07T12:08:00.000-07:00

I will never stop being thankful for the gift of a stay at home baby. :D I absolutely love being here, pouring my best into my husband, son and home.. and jax too even though he smells really bad at the moment. Of course, if I was truly pouring my best into him specifically, I'd probably be bathing him instead of blogging. Let me start over again. I love pouring my best into my husband, son and home. Jax gets the leftovers ha! Ok, blah, blah. You probably tuned in to get an update on your ____ (fill in the blank here whatever Duke is to you, Grandson, nephew, etc.) not ramblings about a smelly dog. ANYWAY...

This morning when my stay-at-home baby woke up and started asking for me, I got him up and laid him down to change his diaper. He immediately pulled his monkey blanket (his security/cuddle item) over his face; thus starting his flirtatious game of peek-a-boo. I brought him in bed with me for about fifteen minutes to doze and cuddle. He was excited to see that Daddy was awake and kept pointing at him and smiling. Daniel headed off to work and we had breakfast, colored a picture, read books, crashed our toy cars into each other, played peek-a-boo, cleaned up 2 explosion diapers (each alternating with a head to toe bath), and had what we usually have for lunch: yesterday's dinner. After all of this, Duke started getting sleepy. Ready to get rocked in the mommy chair with monkey blanket and then off to nappers. I just love getting to spend the day together. We are so blessed, I don't have to miss out on these special things with him. I absolutely am convinced that this is 'as good as it gets.'

The other evening at the park a woman asked me: "So where do you work?" When i told her I am a stay at home mom she responded: "Oh. Do you have a degree or anything?" She didn't have a rude tone, I think she was merely curious. But still it made me curious if she thought I was missing out on something. Did she think I was neglecting a career? Actually what first came to my mind was: "Does she think I'm dumb? Maybe she thinks I am a stay at home because i can't get a job..." Then I was overtaken by a profound thought: 'Who stinkin' cares what she thinks?' Well, yes I do have a degree. I have a Communication degree and I use it every day loving my family at home. Now honestly, I would have dropped my education in a heart beat to pursue my dream of being a mom if God had allowed. He has His own timing about things. So I got the education, had six months of a "career," went to bed rest, and then to the full time task of turning a house into a nurturing home for the two guys I love most. Today I especially feel overwhelmed to praise the Lord for His provisions and for the opportunity to have a stay-at-home baby.

Speaking of communication, I realized recently that i had totally been misinterpreting Duke's intentions. Whenever I catch him doing something he isn't supposed to do, I kneel down and stand him up so that we are eye level before I correct him. Recently, when I get to this step he has just been reaching out and hugging me. Clinging to my neck with his head laying on my shoulder. Unfortunately me being the skeptic I was thinking: Smart guy. Hug me because you know you are adorable. Hug me because you know I can't resist. Avoid the issue. Well, no sir! You are going to look mommy in the eye and be accountable. I would insist that he look at me even when that meant refusing his sweet hug. It didn't take long before the Lord impressed on my heart that this was Duke's way of showing me repentance for what he had done. He wasn't avoiding the issue at all. Rather, he was immediately sorry for the issue. The Lord corrected me, that I need to receive that hug and immediately tell him: "I forgive you." Then and only then pull him to look eye to eye with him and firmly restate the correction. In spite of that 'communication degree' I so proudly stated to the woman to the park, I failed to correctly interpret the most basic infantile communication. "Simply to the cross I cling" apart from Him, I will always miss it. I have realized my tendency to fail to believe the best in my family. I am going to work on that. I don't like that about myself. I never have been motivated by people who seem to be skeptical of me either. When parents and teachers set a high expectations in front of me, that was when I rose to the challenge. So we got some work to do...but at least I get to be here to do it :D

(Side note: thanks mom and dad for all you sacrificed to fund that degree!)

Please!

2009-03-25T13:14:00.000-07:00

Sunday, Daniel had to work so Duke and I just went to church at South West Park where several of my family and loved ones go. Anyway, when we pulled in my dad (Grandy Randy) pulled in the parking lot five min. late also. Upon getting beloved grandson out of my car, we discovered the dire need for a diaper change before heading into the sanctuary. Most of my experience at this church was in high school with a friend whose youth group played hide and seek in the dark in the building. It didn't matter then, but the fact remains that i cannot navigate inside of that building to save my life!!! So many corners and halls. Anyway after Dad, Duke and I walked all over the place followed by a deacon sparying a can of Lysol (totally kidding) we finally found a nursery with a changing table for me to change Duke. My Dad informed me that he is faster at me at changing diapers, but seeing as how one of my earliest memories is him asking me to change my baby sister's BAD diaper, that remains to be seeen.
Now, I mentioned in earlier posts that Duke has learned to sign 'please.' He is now quite profecient at it and uses it any time he wants anything--which ends up being quite a bit. Now, in Duke's 15 months of life we have NEVER left him in a church nursery. He has always gone with us into church and almost always slept on us through the service. This time after his diaper change he looked over and saw all the toddlers playing with cool toys and signed 'please' over and over again. At this point Grandpa took him and headed down the hall--I guess Grandy doesn't understand baby sign language... Nonetheless, I was puzzled by the reality that my baby is turning into a kid. He could care less where we were going, he isn't shy, he wanted to play with the kids. I got the message loud and clear. Since my dad was headed out with Duke I just followed behind thinking to myself a big long exagerated "huhhh????". I worked in nuseries for 10 years before I had Duke. Kids were clinging onto their moms for dear life and instead left in a poopy smelling, overcrowded unfamiliar place surrounded by strangers saying "it's ok", "it's ok", "it's ok". I could see it all over their faces. They were thinking, "no, this is not ok!!!" But this time it's as if my little extravert was looking into my nervous face saying "it's ok" "it's ok" "it's ok" I guess this gives me a week to get used to the idea. Looks like Mr. Duke is ready to go to sunday school. We may continue taking him during church because we like the idea of the family being together for worship, but I guess we'll see. I used to teach two year old sunday school at one particular church and to tell the truth i liked it more than my age sunday school so I can't say I blame him. I better brace myself for this "letting go" phrase that rolls off many wise grandmother's tongues. What a delicate balance of letting go and embaracing; of patience and passion.

"I've got a wheel in my eye"

2009-03-16T12:12:00.000-07:00

Duke has been showing such an interest in cars lately! We are so amazed that he moves them while making car sound effects. How does he know to do that? Anything with a wheel on it, whether it be a bike, a car, a wagon, etc. is so attractive to Duke. He starts grabbing his own shirt and wiggling his fingers (that is how he signs 'please') whenever he sees a "wheeled" item. Today he got to spend a lot of time outside while Mommy and Daddy were doing yard work. He absolutely loves it outside. He came in a crashed without my help. It blows my mind that he is starting to go to sleep on his own without even being rocked. What a big boy! He loves his monkey and cuddles it. He has also, in the last few days, fallen to sleep holding his beloved tooth brush or his new gold hummer hot wheel.

Brushing his teeth is another favorite activity. Only he will have no help, thank you. He like sucking on the wet bristles. I am not really sure how much cleaning that does, but at least he doesn't have an aversion to tooth brushing!

Duke has now entered a stage of accountability with Mommy and Daddy. He understands the word 'no' and many other words for that matter. He is very capable of protesting and he remembers which cabinets are his to play in and which are not. Since he spends most of his time in our home, his boundaries remain consistent and predictable. I am very thankful for him and the way that God is using DUKE to discipline me. I have a responsibility to teach him self control and 'cause and effect' but watching him has taught me so much about myself. It is so easy to be focused solely on his actions, choices and progress and neglect my own. Lately I have been thinking a lot of this verse:

Luke 6:41
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

I often hear the woes of the "terrible two's" from others, and I often hear myself saying: "Mommy said 'no' " more frequently than I would prefer. However, the amazing thing is that recently I have felt a still small voice inside of me showing me my own lack of self control. Self control. Self Control. That is mostly what this word discipline is about right? Teaching my son self-control in respecting his boundaries, authorities and most of all honoring God. I desire to parent him in a way that reveals his humanity, his need for Christ's forgiveness; then to ultimately, please Jesus, lead him to Christ.

Perhaps then I should begin in my own heart. I have to receive the wiser 'no's and instructions that I hear. Dang. That really puts it in perspective.

Duke has such a clean slate. Where is life going to take him? What will he do? Who will he be? Where will he go? I pray that he is a man of God. That he would love ONE woman with a passion. That he would raise up a generation of children to fear God and honor him. I must surrender my control to God--as if I really had any to begin with. For me, this is fear and worry, and the feeling that I have to CONTROL my son. Wrong. I have a very real responsibility to him and to God; however try as I may, I cannot CONTROL him or his will. I easily allow myself to be taken over by my mind's anxiety. I learned last week that the most frequently used command in all of scripture is: "Do not fear." I have learned that I don't have the strength to drive away worry or anxiety apart from Christ. I mean really, how far am I going to let fear manipulate me? It is very easy for me to be anxious about the 'what ifs'. But apart from the what ifs this is what I know: 1.Duke is the Lord's. 2. God is faithful. 3. God will take care of us. I cannot control everything or protect him from everything; but what a relief that our loving and wise heavenly Father can. I love him so much and thank God every day for him.

Joshua 23:14

You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed.

Duke Walking

2009-03-15T21:16:00.000-07:00

Videos of Duke Walking:

First Post

2009-03-13T12:07:00.000-07:00

Well, as of today my extremely electronically inclined husband gave me, (his electronically uninclined wife) a tutorial in blogging. I know, I know, I keep hearing: "there's nothing to it!" Well, here's the deal: Being the daughter of a computer genius and the wife of another computer genius, I have come to learn that there is just no sense in waisting time trying to figure it out on my own. I'll take the tutorial thanks. Someday I'll have a cool, impressive background too. That's when you'll know that I must have recieved tutorial #2.

Alrighty, I also feel inclined to comment/explain the name of our blog. Sorry for the false hopes everyone, but I am not pregnant. I do however have one darling little boy who i plan on writing a lot about. Someday in the future we hope to have more little darlings. When that day comes, i should like to avoid getting the refresher course of creating a blog...SO if it's just the same to you, we are going to call this blog: Decker Babies... so stay tuned.

The last two weeks have been astounding in Duke's little world. We finally have a toddler! A piece of advice Daniel's mom gave me several months ago is not to push Duke or fret to see him walk by "dr. Spock's goal" or whomever. Little did she know that at the ripe ol' age of 15 months Duke would finally decide to give walking a chance. He still finds crawling to be his preferred mode of locomotion; i suppose both for it's effeciency (after six months of crawling this boy is FAST!) as well as it's stability. His poor little knees are calloused...you think i am joking, but I AM NOT! To feel his leg from his hip to his toes it would go something like this: silky smooth, silky smooth, sandpaper, back to silky smooth, and then toesies. I just love watching him walk though. So proud of him! He looks so tall and old, and for him he loves to see Daddy and I cheer! He also has gotten three theeth in the last two weeks. That's another thing, he has been toothless for 14 months! Then, to throw us off he got the top two in before the bottom. In all my life, I really don't think I've ever seen a child get in the top teeth before the bottom. We called him snaggle tooth for a few days before the neighbor poked through the surface. He is just such a cutie. You'll just have to excuse me for bragging a little here and there. Also, in the last two weeks he has learned how to sign 'please.' This has been nice especially for mommy because it has cut down on the desperate "uuuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhmmmmmmmm"s. Praise the Lord!

He is Mr. Adventure that's for sure. The cold weather has been hard on him. He just stands at the dining room windows and points out side at his swing or the grass. He has even tried scratching on the door like our dog Jax. Speaking of that, we have been convinced lately that Duke thinks he is a dog. Let me explain: He barks (oh yes, very often. If Jax starts, Duke joins in. When people asking me what new words he has learned I have to admit that he does a lot more barking than he does speaking or signing.), he loves crawling in Jax's kennel and snuggling in Jax's bed (yes, I let him, he is a boy, not a dainty little girl. I know he will be into much dirt, grime and mud to come.So it's just preparation). Keeping Duke out of the dogfood and dogwater has been an ongoing battle, that sadly for him, Mommy still wins. He also loves chewing on Jax's chew sticks and playing tug of war with Jax's stuffed dogtoys. Of all things it is strange that he thinks he's a dog. If anything he should think he's a monkey. You are probably confused right now, it's just that we've always called him a "baby monkey." Thoroughly confusing parents and family, i know.

Now, I'll just tell you a little about my man and Duke's Daddy. This is one of his first days to have a complete day off in a long time. He just finished the reffing season and is home. Perhaps Daniel wasn't sure what to do with himself but i was quite amused at his choice of entertainment. He quietly slipped my cell phone (which he had put on vibrate) under our sleeping dog. Waiting quietly and patiently, Daniel's moment of fun finally came when Jax went into a deep state of sleep. Daniel quietly opened his phone and called mine. He like to laugh his socks off watching poor Jax wake up in a state of panic. Daniel just has jokes sitting in him that he just has to get out. The other evening I got up in the middle of the night to use the restroom. Only to walk across what i call poppers lining the bathroom floor (you know, those packing pockets of air that you use to pack breakable things). Pop pop pop pop pop pop under my feet. I guess i'm glad Jax got the brunt of it today! Daniel is always making me laugh. I have a wonderful family, thank you Lord. Thanks for taking enough interest in our family to care about all our silly stories. If you enjoyed them, then stay tuned!

The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy. Psalm 126:3